DWELL Missional Church of Burlington, Vermont - A Vermont Church Seeking to be missional in all areas of life.

Posted by: Zach Hoag | August 25, 2009 | Leave a Comment(0)

For all of you 8/23 podcast listeners, this is the Death song that I referenced at the end of the message. I saw Rough Francis perform this song last Saturday night at Nectar's, and I gotta say, I was inspired. So good.

Hit "continue" below to go to the embedded song...

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Posted by: Zach Hoag | August 22, 2009 | Leave a Comment(4)

This is the fourth chapter in Trevor's continuing Redemption Story called Diaries of a Newborn Christian. Enjoy.

Diaries of a Newborn Christian
Chapter 4: The Building Breakfasts

So Zach wants to read a book with me, of course it's not the latest issue of Thrasher Magazine, no, no, no, that would be too simple. He says, Let's read a religious book. I thought, Greeeeaaattt... I don't really read all that much I gotta say, surprising I know. So I said sure. He suggested a couple of books he's already read and I was like, Um? Wait a second, let me see if I understand you, you want to read a book with me that you've already read? Yeah, he says. I replied as nice as I could, I don't think so bud, it's got to be a book neither of us have read. I don't need him having some upper religious hand on me. C'mon, not me. He was like, oh, ok, got any suggestions, I just looked at him, and he said ok, I will pick it out. I shook my head at him to say, yeah, that's a better idea.

At this point Z man and I were meeting every Tuesday for breakfast at a local diner called Airport Parkway Diner. I love this little greasy place, history, the waitresses are very kind and know what I like. I get it with out ordering it. So Z and I get together and shoot the breeze, catch up on our weekend stuff and just talk. It was cool, I enjoy these meetings, and it's good to have a friend that actually cares about you and your day to day crap. It is great to do and we don't really talk about religion unless I bring it up, which was a reaffirmation that Z was here to be my friend and not some corrupt Christian trying to get me to change my ways. He was there to be my friend first, and if I came into God that was just a bonus for him.

So at this point, our families have become heavily intertwined, which to me is the most amazing thing I could have ever asked for. I've been dreaming of the days where I could share everything I love with my friends, something traditions are built on and continue for years. The things we do may not seem spectacular, but you know what, it's pretty amazing to me, and I cherish every moment we hang out. They don't shun us because we have kids and work full time. They make time for us and go out of there way to be a part of our lives. It's pretty sad when I got to force some of my family members to hang out with us, and my friends are a text away from chilling. They have become so close to my heart that I get sad when I don't hear from them after a couple of days. Lame, I know, but that's ok, because I am who I am and I just love 'em so much. It's like not talking to my wife after a couple hours, I get all sad and I think about her so hard, that she texts me some love when I'm at work. I'm on a rant, I see that now.. Moving on.

So Zach brings in this book to breakfast one day and says, here ya go. I read an old book by him and this is his latest installment that I have not read. I look at the soft covered book. Yellow with a big hand pointing. Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller Looks interesting I tell him. Then the waitress pipes in as she reaches our table, You guys doing a book club thing? Zach replies, Well, we are now I guess. I looked at her and laughed, Yeah, we're nerds. She smiled and said, Ohh exciting, what can I get your friend? We discussed how far we would read in the book and discuss it next Tuesday at breakfast. That would prove to be annoying later, as Zach reads as a snail travels... So as we left breakfast that day I had a new venture to tackle, read something that was totally going to bore me to tears. How was I going to fudge my way through this? I looked at it and threw it in the back seat with a sigh. I could feel the warm Christian hands wrapping there hands around my heart, in my best super hero in trouble monologue, Must... resist... growing weaker...

When I got home that night, Sunny was like, What was the book Zach got you to read? I showed her and she smiled with a mocking smirk that looks very cute on her, btw. I told her how we were to read 3 chapters by next Tuesday. She looked at me with apprehension and said, good luck babe. I scowled at her, knowing she was dead right. So that night I crawled into bed with my new challenge. I looked at the book and said, You better keep my attention or we will have long walks by the trash can. So, with my best nerdy face, I started reading it and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, I moved through the pages relatively easy, I actually started to enjoy it. Donald Miller spoke my language, I could relate to this religious mumbo-jumbo, I thought. Next thing you know, it was midnight and I was on chapter 3. I shut the light off 12:10. Wow, ok I thought, this will be easier then I thought, I looked over and Sunny was already asleep and snoring.

So at our next breakfast meeting I was very excited to discuss the book with him. And it figures, he didn't read it. What a jerk, he gets me all excited about the book and the discussions we were going to have about it, then nothing... Lame...! Epic Fail! I didn't let him get away with it to easily, as you can imagine. So he said go to chapter 5 by next week and he'd be caught up. I was a little angst-ridden about the whole thing, so I told him I would read it and he better catch up! I'm such a jerk all the time, I know, it's me I guess, that's just the way I've been for so long, it's another layer to the walls I've built around me and my heart.

So, next week comes and this kid better be ready, I'm into this book heavily and I'm actually having a hard time not reading it. So for me to have that much self-control is epic. I usually, just say, screw you, I'm doing what I want, zing, I'm out! But, since I was on a path of new beginnings, I waited for this guy to catch up. So, as I went through the book, I underlined a few things that stuck out to me and I'm going to share them with you. They may make no sense to you, but to me, as non-Christian (at the time) this is what spoke to me:

Chapter 2 Imposters: Page 31
I didn't have a relationship with God; I had a relationship with a system of simple ideas, certain prejudices, and a feeling that I and people who thought as I did, were right.

Chapter 4 Free Verse: Page 53
It makes you want to live in a community like that when you think about the way things were when Jesus had touched people.

Chapter 5 Naked: Page 67
I'll bet Adam felt loved by God, like he was somebody God was always trying to bless and surprise with amazing experiences.

God made me, He knows me, He understands me and He wants community.

Chapter 9 Jesus: Page 144 (my favorite)
Back then, it was best to look a certain way and talk a certain way and act a certain way in order to make the religion look good, and Jesus pretty much smashed all that to pieces. This was a great trouble for people who were in the business of running a public relations campaign for God.

Now, these are just some of the early underlines I had, I think they pretty much explain how I was feeling without getting to deep into my psyche. Now, I'm going to do an exercise that will make you look again. Read those 4 inserts again and read them with love and thought and make a positive Christian message using the words that are there from the first to the last chapter. Here's what I came up with.

"I didn't have a relationship with God, Like that when you think about the way things were, God was always trying to bless and surprise with amazing experiences, Jesus pretty much smashed all that to pieces."

What relationships do we carry as believers, and what relationships do we carry when we are non-believers? What needs to be torn down in order for us to see what God is doing for us?

Now read the first line to the first comma, and the last line after the last comma.

That's what I'm saying..

Next week,
T

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Posted by: Zach Hoag | August 22, 2009 | Leave a Comment(1)

This is the third chapter in Trevor's continuing Redemption Story called Diaries of a Newborn Christian. Enjoy.

Diaries of a Newborn Christian
Chapter 3: A Look Back

So, I fulfilled my obligatory friendship by going to Zach's church. There, I'm done with that whole thing and now we can move forward and become stronger friends. I saw his whole deal and was super motivated for him to do well. I offered my help in any way, shape, or form for his success. Just don't make me go to church again. You know what's funny, I'm going way back and off track of what's happening in these moments to bring you to where I am mentally about religion. So I'm going back to about a year ago.

My little, little squeaky boy Nick has grown up and was now becoming a man and taking the leap of faith in marriage. My family was invited, of course, and we accepted. I mean, it's the last Hoag to move into adulthood and I wanted to share in the experience as I did with Zach when he took the plunge years ago. I tried to tell Nick to run, but, like a good boy he didn't listen to me. The wedding day was a scorcher of a day, the theme was "HOT," oh my hot. I HATE wearing suits or dressing up and I HATE humidity with every ounce of my body, so I was super comfortable... My wife was very beautiful and loves dressing up and LOVES the heat. Polar opposites, that's why it works for us. I drift, I know, so the day was very sunny and very beautiful. The wedding was held outside and Jim Hoag was the Preacher/Pastor/Father of ceremonies. Joy was a stunning bride to be, beautiful black hair and an amazing dress, she walked down the aisle with grace and beauty. Nick looked good too, I mean, who cares, it's all about the bride and everyone knows this.

Jim came up to speak and he was glowing like a proud father, he finally started to talk after a brief moment of silence and got this show on the road. Jim was great, he kept it uplifting, funny, serious, and emotional and it was a pleasant ceremony in the HOT, HOT, HOT sun. Throughout the day Jim kept asking everyone to take an experience from God from this wonderful day. Now, I'm going to tell you what I experienced, take it for what it is at face value or read way into it and you will see later on why this moment in time was the start of my conversion. I can say without hesitation that on Nick and Joy's wedding day I felt the presence of God and for a fleeting moment I was, for the lack of a better word, amazed.

I was sitting in my chair amongst the crowd as Jim was giving his sermon, I looked up to the sky for whatever reason and caught two birds flying around the barn. I got trapped and couldn't stop watching them, they flew all around each other, lofting through the air with such ease. They came close to each other on several little fly-by's and it was very beautiful, I thought to myself. Then, just like an explosion it hit me, an overwhelming sense of emotion, my eyes watered up and it felt like my chest was being compressed like a hand was pushing the air out of my lungs. I choked, I gasped, and then it was gone. My eyes dried up and the birds were gone. I looked around and everybody was still looking forward. I glanced over at Sunny, my wife and she had no idea what just had happened to me. She looked at me and smiled, "This is a really nice wedding, Joy looks so lovely, don't you think?" I just nodded my head at her. I thought, WTH Just happened to me?! Was I having a heat stroke? A heart attack? I looked up at the sky again hoping to see those damn birds or for some kind of answer, nothing but an empty blue sky and a burning bright sun. It was just an unexplained phenomenon that has never happened to me before, so lame. Without going into every single detail about the wedding I can give you a quick short version. It was a great day and there was lots of love and caring, great food, a great band and a new bond that was forged that day. I want to tell you that I went home and picked up the bible and started to read it, I started listening to Christian radio, watched a sermon on TV or I started to tell everyone about my near death/religious experience, but I did none of the above. I shrugged it off and I went about my daily business. That night though, when I laid in bed next to my wonderful wife I sat up awake trying to relive or capture that moment again. I replayed everything that was going on in my head and nothing came to me. I'm going to tell you in reflection of that 10 seconds of whatever that was, was amazing. I was not scared, I felt no pain, I felt so good after that moment, that I tried for several days to try and get it back. No luck! I slept so good that night and I have a hard time sleeping because of all the pain in my arms and my back. It was amazing and I was super happy to have had that feeling, whatever that feeling was.

All this was pretty heavy to me, so I thought about all the talks Jim used to pull me into his office to have, "Now Trevor," Jim would always start off with.

Happy prayers,

Trevor

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Posted by: Zach Hoag | August 17, 2009 | Leave a Comment(5)

Our next Redemption Story comes from our friend Rachel Nixon. Rachel is a good family friend of my wife and I, and she grew up going to Jericho Congregational Church. She is currently attending Johnson and Wales University in Providence, RI, but we were absolutely pumped when she expressed a desire to join us for baptism on August 30th. It will be a great honor to take part in this with Rachel and her friends and family...and you'll understand why when you read this awesome story of God's grace and love in her life.

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The Beginning - High School and Before: "Lord, by Your favor You have made my mountain stand strong; You hid your face, and I was troubled" (Psalm 30:7).

When I was in elementary school, my parents became Christians and we started attending church and Sunday school. In 7th grade I started going to youth group, where I met a terrific bunch of girls that had great relationships with the Lord. Their love for God and His Son, Jesus, was so attractive. There was a warm presence about them that seemed to overflow into my heart. We went to camp and on retreats and had many long talks about God, Jesus and the Bible. I wanted to live a life of joy and peace like these girls. And so I did - kind of.

I started my freshmen year with sound morals, a strong character, and an optimistic view on life. Soccer took up most of my time in high school; I loved playing the sport with my new friends, who were also on the team. However, soon distractions began to creep in, mainly in the form of guys. They started noticing me and asking me out. This was something I had never experienced before. Still, I stayed strong in my convictions through most of my freshmen year. Going to Young Life with my brother helped a lot because the leaders talked about Christ in fun and unconventional ways.

However, towards the end of my freshmen year, I had fallen away from my youth group friends. I was still going to Young Life, but mainly because all the older, popular kids went. By the time I was a sophomore, I had stopped attending church regularly and only went to Young Life occasionally - it seemed to have lost its meaning for me. God was getting drowned out by other things, like drinking and partying.

College Life - Take 1: "But she who lives in pleasure is dead while she lives" (1 Timothy 5:6).

By the time I got to college, my partying had intensified. I was never really into drugs; clubbing and alcohol were more my style. I took great interest in things that the world says is important. These things involved boys, the latest fashions, dieting, and making good grades. However, by my junior year in college, society's pressures began to suffocate me. Everything that used to delight me was losing its appeal. Emptiness filled me. My heart ached inside me. What was wrong with me?

I became obsessed with what I ate and how I looked. After all, this was one area of my life that I could control. In other words, I worked out all the time and didn't eat much of anything. Most of my nutrition was derived from Martinis and salad with a few ice cream binges mixed in. All my efforts paid off: the compliments about my new figure streamed in. My latest boyfriend was captain of the hockey team.

Unfortunately, after only two months, he broke up with me... the week before Valentine's Day. I was devastated. Not so much by the fact that I had lost him as by the fact that he was willing to give me up. What was wrong with me? I was supposed to be the heartbreaker, not the other way around. All my hard work: the dieting, the exercising, the routine trips to the tanning bed, the clothes. Nothing seemed to pay off. I had been dumped. This hadn't happened to me since my freshmen year of high school. I had thought that I was always in control of my dating situations, but my recent boyfriend proved me quite wrong. The more I thought about my life, the more anxious I became. Boyfriends, parties, and dieting had become my life. I had given up most of the morals and all of the self respect that I once had. I longed to be strong and stand firm in my beliefs. But I had let my beliefs fly out the window.

My whole life seemed confused and was slowly slipping out of my control. I tried to compensate by doing the things I thought made me happy: A trip to the mall, a session in the tanning bed, a nice bottle of wine. But suddenly my "happiness fixes" weren't working anymore. In fact, they almost seemed to be contributing to the problem. The more I tried shopping, diets, boys, and alcohol, the emptier I felt.

College Life - Take 2: "The Lord is near to all who call upon him, to all who call upon him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He also will hear their cry and save them" (Psalm 145:18, 19).

I decided to take a road trip to Vermont for Valentine's. I would spend the weekend with mother. She would comfort me. I couldn't bear the thought of a dateless Valentine's back at school. I knew I would just be fixated on my ex and what he was doing. That night I lay in bed unable to sleep. I knew I should've had one more glass of wine! I felt pathetic. I was home on Valentine's weekend without a date. No chocolates, no flowers, no phone calls. On my night table my mother always had set devotional books. I picked up the most recent devotional book she had left there. It was about talking and listening to God's voice. I read a few pages then set the book back down. I got up out of bed and looked out the window. The sky was clear, the stars were shinning and the moon was bright. It was beautiful. I felt the same sense of awe I had felt as a little girl.

"Okay, God," I said. "If you are real, show me. If you truly care, show me. Give me a sign." I waited to hear God's voice. Silence. I stared at the moon expecting it to fall from the sky. It didn't. I kept waiting for something. Anything. I did feel a strange presence as I looked out across the meadow, but I couldn't tell if it was God -- or my alcohol buzz wearing off.

College Life - Take 3: "For you were once darkness, but now you are a light to the Lord. Walk as children of the light" (Ephesians 5:8).

I returned to school feeling just the same. The void inside my heart continued to grow. Each day I looked for something new to fill the emptiness. I couldn't understand why I felt like this. I had a wonderful life, my own apartment, a great family and amazing friends. I looked good, made good grades and was living the perfect college life. I literally had everything but a boyfriend. Perhaps that was the problem. If I got another boyfriend, then I would be satisfied. Or maybe if I lost a few more pounds I'd be happy. Or maybe if I bought that cute pair of shoes I'd be content.

The emptier I felt, the more I began to drink. However the parties had become dull and the club scene wasn't fun for me anymore. Something had changed. Now, when guys asked for my number and paid me compliments, I was annoyed. Strange. I used to be thrilled when this happened. Slowly I began to see things as they really are. How had I been so blind before? It was as if someone had lifted a curtain from my eyes. Even though my lifestyle disgusted me, I had no idea how I was ever going to change.

College Life - Take 4: "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith" (1 Peter 5:8, 9a).

When I wasn't drinking, scary thoughts began to creep into my head. I wanted something more than the life I was living. I kept remembering my life when I was strong in character. Back in eighth and ninth grade I could say no to alcohol. I wasn't obsessed with my looks or dating. I didn't have to live the way everyone else was living. My morals and beliefs all revolved around good things taught from the bible. I remembered how happy I was during those years of my life. I then became saddened and depressed. I had gone too far and done too many things that I was ashamed of. I could never return to the pureness and happiness I had experienced as a child. Surely God wouldn't forgive me. He seemed too far away to really care about me.

I was plagued by a recurring question, one I constantly tried to avoid: Is this as good as it gets? There had to be something more. As I considered my purpose in life, thoughts of death started to circle my brain. I wondered if I would go to heaven when I died. I knew I was young and still had a full life ahead of me, but I could not stop thinking about it. I started drinking even more to block out the thoughts. Soon I started to get a burning sensation in my chest and stomach.

A trip to the doctor confirmed that I had acute acid reflux. I remember the doctor saying he was relieved that he didn't see any tumors. That scared me! Tumors in my throat? That could kill me! What if I was going to die? Where would I end up? I was pretty sure I would go to heaven, but I wasn't positive. The fear started to get to me. Again I started wondering about God and what He thought of me. Was He sick of all the terrible things I had done in my life? I began feeling guilty, so I started praying and reading a daily devotional. Maybe that would make God like me a little more, and He would help me feel better. After all, nothing else seemed to work, especially not the partying. I begged God to show me what to do about this emptiness. I confessed that I needed Him and not what the world offered. I remember hearing my mother once say that God will always give you a way out of temptation. I prayed he would.

The next weekend I decided I was only going to binge drink one night. I was afraid my acid reflux would get worse if I drank more than that. After a long night of meaningless drinking, I woke up with a very real fear that I needed something more in my life. I felt I needed to change my life. I feared I just couldn't change because this lifestyle was who I had become. I didn't like this intense feeling. It was like darkness was trying to smother me. So I got up and opened a bottle of wine. I got through a glass and a half before I couldn't take the pain in my chest. My acid reflux was far from being cured and it was excruciating to drink. I set my glass down. What was I doing? I was literally killing myself right now. Drinking so much could cause tumors in my throat. My hangovers were making me sleep deprived. My dieting and over exercising was leaving me tired and too thin. I was wasting tons of money and effort on my appearance. None of it was making me happy, or validating me as a person. I was throwing my life away.

That day I made my mind up. I decided I was going to change; I wanted this darkness to leave me. That day I ran to the park. I sat on a bench and prayed. In short, I surrendered. I wanted the life God intended me to live. I prayed He would open my eyes to His truth. He did. The next day I woke to a whole new world. The darkness was still present, but there was a sense of hope. I could see a light through the dark tunnel.

College Life - Take 5: "No temptation has overtaken you except that such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make a way of escape, that you will be able to bear it" (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Slowly the light began to grow and I followed it. I started seeing the whole world in a different way. It was as if I had been blind before. I realized God had revealed His truth to me that night at the club, when I saw how repulsive my behavior was. There was nothing left to do. I turned from the darkness that was chasing me and ran straight into God's arms. Even though I was laden with guilt and shame, God kept whispering, "I love you."

I didn't know it at the time, but God was answering my prayers for a way out of my old life. He did this by giving me acid reflux. I told my friends I wouldn't be drinking or partying until it was cured. During my recovery, God changed my life and showed me that I never have to return to that lifestyle ever again.

One of the ways He showed me His love was by giving me a great Christian friend at school and a faithful accountability partner from home. God connected me with a college ministry where I have fellowship with other people who love Him, and a church, where I learned more about Him. I also started asking my parents questions about their faith and about this mysterious God who seemed to love me so much. They reassured me of His love for me and suggested I start reading the Bible.

Life Today - And Forever: "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. Therefore if the son makes you free, you shall be free indeed" (John 8:32, 36).

Throughout this journey, I've had bumps and doubts and fears, but God is faithful. There was a time recently when everything seemed dark. I still felt condemned about my past, and I feared God didn't -- couldn't -- love me anymore. It was during this trial that God demonstrated how Jesus' life and death are evidence of His unfailing love. He reminded me that He would never leave me nor forsake me. He told me that when Jesus was nailed to the cross, so were my sins. He told me that I am forgiven.

I have fallen in love with God and am convinced that nothing can separate me from His love. Now that I have Jesus, I know that I will never be condemned by my sins or this world again. I have decided to follow Him and the life God desires for me. I can't even begin to describe how awesome life is now that Jesus is my savior. I am eternally grateful. There is no more darkness to condemn me. God's mercies are new every morning. God constantly reminds me life here is temporary, and I am eternally his.

"My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior" (Luke 1:46-47).

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